In 2009 Four Corners aired a story ‘Code of Silence’. It was about two girls who were sexually exploited in a hotel room by a team of NRL players. After spending some time with a few players in the bar, the girls agreed to continue their party with the two players in a room. What they didn’t agree to was the subsequent introduction of the rest of the team turning up through windows and unlocked doors to either engage themselves in activities or film the activities that transpired. What horrified the community about this event was the breakdown of trust between the girls and the two original players and the perception of the rest of the team that the girls would be ‘up for it’. Whilst it would be considered risky behaviour of the girls to continue the party, at no point did this include consent for the whole team to join in. 

The recent media story about the internet ring of boys and young men sharing and seeking nude images of young women is essentially the same story but in a technological context. In this story, young women took the risk to send images of themselves to their partner or boyfriend. Again they are exploited as their image is then traded with many others through the internet. At no point did these girls consent to having their image shared with others. Whilst their decision to send their photo was unwise and foolhardy, whom amongst us has never made a silly or regrettable decision? After seven years, why do we continue to find women exploited in this way? When will we, as a society, stop persecuting our young women and challenge this depraved and predatory behaviour? Melinda Tankard Reist has been arguing for some time that the easy access to pornography is changing our societal norms. I recently heard a report about the changes in brain development as young people become desensitised to human relationship with over exposure to the pornography that is easily accessible on the internet now.  Pornography is now a public health crisis.

It has never been harder to be a young person or a parent these days. We need young people to be respectful, to make healthy decisions, to feel safe and show empathy and compassion. We need parents to really know their children, to provide support and have the difficult conversation around pornography, sex and how to relate respectfully.

I will leave you with a shortwriting by Naomi Shihab Nys :

SHOULDERS
A man crosses the street in rain,
Stepping gently, looking two times north and south,
Because his son is asleep on his shoulder.

No car must splash him.
No car drive too near his shadow.
This man carries the world’s most sensitive cargo
But he’s not marked
Nowhere does his jacket say FRAGILE,
HANDLE WITH CARE.

His ear fills up with breathing.
He hears the hum of a boy’s dream
deep inside him.

We’re not going to be able 
to live in this world
if we’re not willing to do what he’s doing
with one another.
The road will only be wide.
The rain will never stop falling.

Blessings

Sue Lennox